Archive for November, 2006

Sea 2002

30 November, 2006

Sea sweet  sea consume me

wrap me up in your waves

wash me in  your pure salt soul forever

This ship is almost gone now so

can’t you end the misery

Sweet sea she is anothers fool

sweet sea open wide your giant pool

let me sink to bitter depth

out of reach of greedy human net

Along your fishes flank

you run so cool

through monsters tooth

 under submarine and tanker

we know you’ve taken sailors

 since sailors were

so surely now you can

do me this one small favour

Sweet sea consume me

wrap me up in your salt tears

rock me in your endless sway

so that I may never

think of her again



19 November, 2006

Love is wonderful, after many years alone i found someone to wake up next to and i have never been happier. It has not lasted but while she loved me she showed me just how good it can be. Between us there were no misunderstandings, differences, almost quarrels but no misunderstandings. Sunday mornings were simply blissful.

Now i recognise love as a necessity for my contentment and i must, as if unable to prevent myself, start looking for the next one.

Don’t ask me how, i may try computer dating which has the advantages of being specific. You can restrict your searches to suit your needs, age, children, religion, star sign, even ethnic origin if you like. You can form a profile which allows the reader to be pre warned of any problems in a subtle way. I, for example, am poor, relatively, by our high western standards at least, computer dateing will allow me to be up front about this, which will hopefully help me to avoid disappointing anyone.

The old beetles songs were wrong you see. Love is not all you need, it is just one aspect of relationship. And money can buy you love, it just so happens that i am looking for the kind of love that does not make money its turning point. Wish me luck, being as set in my ways as i am, i am going to need it.


15 November, 2006

Today there is a large classic sports car rally passing the the station. This event now attracts about one hundred fifty cars of the expensive variety and they spend a few days each year touring around the hills and competing in special stages.

The special stages consist of the windiest bits of hills road, and we have some mighty windy roads about here. It was the glamour of these roads and the glorious countryside that first drew me up into these hills. As a youth i would drive my Alpha Romeo or ride my Yamaha up here from the city, just to be in these magical environs. During those trips the desire to reside here grew into an ambition which was eventually realised when my sister moved up here and invited me to join her and her boyfriend when i returned from Wales. Life has been good to me since that day eight years ago.

People change, it is the places they live in which cause them to change. I have lost the desire to get from A to B in the minimum possible time, i can’t imagine anything more uncomfortable now. The beautiful countryside no longer fills me with joy each time i see it. I am used to it as the background to my life, it gives me joy when i am happy, when i’m grumpy it looks bad.

Sports cars have always been a symbol of that kind of glamour to me. I wanted one, thanks to the generosity of an early lover i had one but i did not keep it for long. I sold it and paid her back the money because i knew in my heart that the joy it brought me would fade and the object itself would eventually become a pain in the arse. That is me, i thrive on change and learning. When i learn applicable knowledge it makes me happy even if i have no intention of retaining that knowledge in the long term.

My mind is then free to discard old habits and obsessions and move on to the next thing. Now i must find a partner who can accept this aspect of my lack of character because as fond as i am of moving on i would still like to have romantic stability one day. No hurry though…  In the present, those sports cars will be passing in an hour or so, i should try and talk my mentors into going out to the main street to watch. We might even get a little business out of it !


14 November, 2006

It’s not easy being green, said Kermit the frog. I love it. I’ve completed the relevant parts of the course and have been promoted to Student A.O. which allows me to wear the uniform, treat patients under supervision and drive the ambulance for practise.

The uniform is quite smart, leaf green with grey high visibility strips about the chest arms and legs and with AMBULANCE written across your back in large red letters. There are two Velcro ribbons on the chest so you can display your name and status and there are more pockets zips and strings than you could sensibly use.

It is one thing to ride in the ambulance and see what goes on, it is another thing altogether to wear the uniform and give hands on treatment to the patient. Ambulance officers are people but when we arrive at a scene it is the uniform which the patient sees.

Imagine being injured, vulnerable and frightened, when you see the crew arrive you know that you have the best help that is available in the area. If we are called to a multiple trauma i could be left to handle anything from a headache to a torn aorta.

I have wanted to do this for a long time and now that i am nearly there i hope to be doing it for a long time to come. It may not be easy being green but it is a worthy job of work, one that allows me to be proud of my life and may even give me opportunities for paid employment in the future. Hopefully it will not get me into too much trouble along the way but in this line of work you never really know…

The Tyranny of Distance

9 November, 2006

The tyranny of distance is something i have blogged about before in the context of travel within Australia. There is another tyranny of distance which is more on my mind and that is the void between us and the other moons and planets which could one day sustain human life.

In order to cross this void we need either velocity or teleportation. The latter being of no particular interest to me i focus on the attainment of velocity in open space as a problem worth solving. A famous woman once said, ‘A problem worthy of attack, proves its worth by fighting back.’ The miriad of attempted solutions to this problem have yet to yield any potential functionality, so far as i know, so it is left to us to explore the possibilities that have not yet been completely extinguished by investigation.

After many years of investigating complex rotors as a means of extracting thrust i have finally convinced myself that there is probably nothing to be gained from continuing. This is not a defeat but a completion of one avenue of investigation. Now i must look for another way and the only one that i am as yet aware of, which has not already been exhaustively tested, is the detail of the behavior of superfluids.

A superfluid is simply a gas such as helium which has been cooled to such a low temperature that it passes partly through its base phase transition. That is to say the electrons of its atoms are of such a low energy that its behavior changes from that which we normally experience. For an explanation of superfluid behavior simply search under superfluid and if you persist you are sure to find some comprehensible explanations. The relevant aspect if this behavior is an apparent lack of viscosity.

For a material to lack viscosity (resistance to movement) it must either have no mass, which is imposable, or it must have no momentum which is equally impossible. The point being that there is something going on here which is as yet not adequately explained to the likes of myself. I would be the first to admit that there are gaps in my knowledge of physics but you don’t need to be a genius to notice that something is not quite the way it should be if our principal assumptions are correct. Put more simply this means that our principal assumptions are incorrect.

My problem now is that low temperature laboratories where such things can be investigated are enormously expensive and difficult to staff. There is no hope in me that i would ever be able to investigate this avenue at home. There is little hope in me that i could ever reach the level of technical expertise that would be required for me to be persuasive in encouraging scientists to take on the task. I have no desire to spend a decade researching a proposal which would be unlikely to receive any funding at any stage. What then remains.

Consideration of any other clues comes next but the clues are not yet apparent to me. Time spent trawling through past experience of material behavior is unproductive but not altogether a waste because there always exists the remote possibility that in searching the clues may be stumbled upon. This i remind myself daily as the morning cup of tea rinses away the disappointment of waking alone. My focus is one that is properly considered in an empty space.

There is no doubt in my mind that my task is a worthy one because it may take a million minds to devote themselves to the task before the clue is found. So this is a background for any regular readers that combined with my ongoing training as a volunteer ambulance officer completes a picture of how and why this failed poet has the time to blog. My life is a positive and happy one. My freedom to indulge this life is given to me by the generous australian social security system. The passion with which i live my life may remain a mystery simply because i lack the words with which to describe it.

The task is a fascinating one. To attempt to reach into the future and create new methods of transportation is to me ultimately glamorous. To be included in the everyday of my community at the same time is a gift beyond measure and a validation of my efforts (even if not intended as such). The future is not for sale, we may give to it or diminish it but we can not take from it. Time marches over us just as it will march over those that come after us and the petty politics and personal greed that arise in the mean have little relevance outside of the detail.

Join me if you can, be inspired by the butterfly effect of creating the possibility of a hurricane of change. Do it in your own way, do not be discouraged by the restrictions of your personal circumstance, creating the future by deliberate action has a depth of consequence far deeper than the potential for disruption in your own life. If you have any technical expertise to bring to the discussion all well and good but such expertise is not necessary, much can be achieved by other means. Much can be achieved by simply recognising humanities desire to cross the void as living breathing beings because in so doing the desire to protect our survival will be best served.

by Mandi Capon (from a painting)

4 November, 2006

Love or lust
Trust is a must


3 November, 2006

Thankyou for the honesty, it has been your most precious gift to me and from it i can draw my new strength and my new confidence in people. Thankyou for the time spent, the effort you made to bring reality to me in a way that i could enjoy it.

Friends are my favorite things. In their dubious ways i find solace, i become a part of the towns i live in. Not all of my hopes and dreams have come about but most of them have, enough of them have to make me feel very lucky. I have been drawn out of sadness and filled with spirit, i have been cared for, fed and made use of and now i am a willing player in those games of life which i shunned for so long.

My belief is that desire rises out of the ground, that energy is free and that in freedom there is energy. My faith is that there is goodness in every circumstance because from circumstance comes the future which then becomes the undeniable past which is the foundation of our existance.

If i sound too serious it is because a few of the truths made apparent to me in the past week have been hard to accept. First a broken heart, then some misinformation about the consequences of desperation for energy, then a death, then a lie. Their beauty is in their reality even when that reality is a tragedy, even when so much blood soaks into the soil. Even when it is the future itself which pays the heavy price.

Even when my own life is diminished, time comes to rescue me, put me back on my feet yet again and fold it’s loving arms about me one more time, one more wonderful time.

Hope you have had a good week too dear reader.

Email to Jane

3 November, 2006


I am just John
I wear a missing tooth as a bullshit detector
If there’s one thing snobs can’t stand
It’s a gap between the incisor and the canine

My advise to you is don’t go changin’
If the world had followed your example
We would not now be in such deep deep shit
But love it the way it is
You know this, thought is not for everyone