Oh dear! Dear Reader…

This is the point at which it all gets really boring, tres droll, for you i think.

The subtext to all of the above, or below depending where you reside, is the ridiculously slow onset of some outlandish form of parkinsonism.

In the early days of this blog, not saved for the sake of the SAAS, i was hopeful of finding work in an ambulance service somewhere and i had a young family about me who i thought would be a permanent part of my life. The few years so sparsely recorded here have been my time of coming to terms, making accommodations, as Sacks would put it, with an advancing disability which is now bringing to an end my ability to work or travel.

My dreams of repeating Roger Shawyers electromagnetic drive experiment is still alive despite all apparent absurdity. Stranger things very rarely happen at sea but…

So beneath this studiously cheerful handful of strange memories lies the last ‘Hurragh!’ of one completely spent poet now doubled with anxiety and pain, barely in control of his own flailing limbs.

The beta blockers are proving to be a blessing, bringing the shakes to a tolerable level. The downside is that in easing the shakes the drug has revealed how still i am underneath. Meditation overcomes me against my will. The world has become sticky to me so that i am caught amongst an action of domesticity but not clearly enough located in its progression to be able to complete it.

Can still ride the scooter well enough to provision my temporary home in the forest but the truth is that most of my mobility is now a process of expensively controlled festination.The fragility of my independence presses on me as it does with people a generation older than me.

Played a bit part in a short film once, about an old man unable to communicate with the world. He wakes to find himself back home sitting on the veranda next to his wife.

My vision is clouding now, to survive my own deranged neurology i must shrink my dreams to the feasible, tether my expectations to the radius of my mobility, and above all i must forgive the world for not having time for me, it is not their fault.

So apologies dear reader, thanking you for your encouragement but giving you warning that it will probably be a downhill run from here. The frustration of loosing my abilities will make me bitter and cynical, it already has, so there being no positive message any more this blog should have died a natural death, but no, it endures because no matter how poor or devoid of style it is, it does have the slapstick moments of watching a man come apart at the seams, slowly, horribly turning from a handsome ambitious youth into a dribbling old derelict.

Hope i have succeeded in making you all feel at least a little better about your own lives but imploring you for the sake of your own sanity to now and forever STOP READING THIS BLOG….

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